Poops

String Bean sat on the potty yesterday and tried to "push out the poopies" and was thrilled when some came out. Yes, I know this is a discussion only a mother of a toddler could love. Please note the name of this blog.

Upon finishing her business in the potty, she decided to call her family and friends and share her success. As always, Pop was the first on the list. Luckily, Nana was with him. Next it was Ama and Grandpa. Auntie Carolyn soon followed. Then Rob and Connie. After that, she wanted to call Lucy, so we did. After she hung up with Lucy's voice mail, she wanted to call Snoopy and Charlie Brown. (Which leads me to believe that the Lucy we called wasn't THE Lucy she was intending, but oh, well.) She finished the night of calling by calling Cashew, who is 2 1/2. Cashew simply said, "Hi, String Bean!" the entire conversation long.

Other than the call to Cashew, all other calls went like this:

String Bean (SB): Hi!
Mom or Dad (M/D): Tell them what you did.
SB: Poopies!
M/D: Where did you do the poopies?
SB: Potty!
M/D: What did you get for doing poopies on the potty?
SB: Chock (translation: chocolate)
M/D: Tell them your name.
SB now spells her name instead of saying her name.
M/D: Do you want to count?
SB: One, Two, Free, Four, Five, Six, Eye!
M/D: Say "Bye-bye!"
SB: Bye-bye! (long pause) Insert name of who you are calling.
Abruptly hang up.

Toddler Wake-Up Call

There are things in life that only a mother gets to experience. Take for example, my short-lived nap yesterday.

First, I'll admit I shouldn't have been taking a nap on the couch because Mr. Bean wasn't home and String Bean was wide awake. Second, I'll admit, I shouldn't have poured a full cup of ginger ale and put it on the coffee table beside me before falling asleep.

Despite my mistakes, I should mention that it was not my intention to fall asleep with a glass full of ginger ale on the table. Early morning + late night + pregnancy = One tired mom.

I can't say for sure, but I think my nap lasted a total of 1 minute. I awake to String Bean standing over me, a sensation of cold wetness on my arm, and the screams of "Pill! Pill! Pill!" echoing in my ear. Seems I looked thirsty and String Bean was giving me a drink, but spilled it all over me, the couch, the floor and herself in the process.

What a lovely way to wake up from a nap!

I can give you an exact count of the number of times Mr. Bean has been spilled, on peed on, pooped on, puked on or otherwise led to demise by our toddler. Two. The one and only time String Bean flung her poo, he stepped in it. The one and only time she pooped in the bath tub, he was in there with her. (Thank goodness I do not have any poop stories such as these to share.)

Can I even begin to count the number of times these same maladies have hit me? Not even close. Too numerous to count. Too dreadful to remember.

Oh, motherhood.

Rate My Day

Mr. Bean's Facebook status yesterday:

Rate my day--Pros: Friend bought us lunch, got a nap, went to birthday party of another dear friend, curry rice for dinner. Con: Stepped barefoot in String Bean's poop.

4 Incidences in 3 days

I mentioned earlier that String Bean had a puking incident while we were on vacation. She had another one when we got home...at 2:30 am. Just what we want to do when we are half awake! She also peed out all sides of her diaper soaking her clothing on our drive home. And this morning Mr. Bean woke up to a very poopy mess in her diaper and pajamas.

This is the side of motherhood that you are not warned about. Ladies, be forewarned. Bodily functions go awry and that is the joy of being a mom.

Love it. Don't embrace it/him/her.

Fecal Fascination

Why are toddlers fascinated with fecal matter? I hope we don't find any more lying around at our house!

Licorice

Just in case it ever crosses your mind, the answer is YES: Children do think chinchilla poop is little black licorice candies that would be delicious to eat. I just fished one out of String Bean's mouth.

Current score:
Chinchilla - 1
String Bean - 0

True Confessions, Part III

My husband, Filbert (not his real name) has a deep and abiding love for sweaters. I mean *deep* and *abiding*. Seriously, it's a problem. He used to keep about half of them in Cashew's closet, but since that is no longer an option, he redesigned his own closet so that each sweater has a compartment where it can lovingly be stored. I had to establish a "one in, one out" rule for his sweaters and about a year ago, I finally convinced him to get rid re-home his last Cosby sweater. When I decided to start using cloth diapers to save money, his first concern was for his sweaters and the impact of washing diapers and then washing his dear sweaters. He was dreadfully afraid of poop transfer. I assured him that it could never happen, and reluctantly he agreed, although, he always tries to make sure another load goes through the washer between the diapers and his sweaters and when he sprays poop off of a diaper, he sprays and rinses and swishes that diaper so thoroughly, it almost doesn't even need to be washed. I am not quite so diligent.

Now, I am going to tell you something that he must *never* know. First, my kids really like cereal that has dried blueberries in it. And dried blueberries pretty much go straight through to the diaper. One time, (seriously, do not tell my husband this, he will freak out and take all his sweaters to the dry cleaner and we cannot afford a dry cleaning bill for 40 sweaters), so one time, I was taking the diapers out of the washer and there at the bottom of tub was one fully reconstituted blueberry.

A Gentle Reminder

Sometimes, even the most seasoned of mothers needs a refresher and I am here to help.

First of all, before ripping a diaper off a toddler and flinging it open, always check to make sure that there are not a thousand little poop drummels in said diaper. I think that is clear enough.

Secondly, when a child, who has been complaining of a tummy ache, says that he thinks he is going to throw up, DO NOT PAUSE!!!!!!! You must spring into action immediately, fling the nursing baby away if you have to! Quickly move the vomitus child to a toilet or other nearby receptacle. Then make sure the child is actually done puking before beginning the clean up. Under no circumstances should you allow the child to wander the house aimlessly while puking in multiple rooms.

Just remember, I fail, so you don't have to.